Sunday, March 17, 2013

Some Personal Reflection

This isn't really about anything, it's more to about getting my thoughts down and thinking about all that I've been through in the past three months.

Kelly says I shouldn't think so much but when you have been an English major for the last three years, you are taught to think about what you have in front of you. Usually it's a text in which I have to go underneath the surface to find meaning. But this time I am digging into myself and realizing that I am so not the same person I was when I left the States back in January.

I'll give you a few examples.

Number one: Independence. When I got into college I thought I had gained some form of independence because I was far from home, I had to depend on myself, and I had to adapt to a new situation. It took some time but I eventually ended up making friends and finding my interests. However, that is nothing compared to what I've done over here. For one thing, I wasn't homesick at all until I ended up getting a Valentine's Day card from my Dad. I took for granted the fact that my Mom and Dad were just a phone call away and they could come get me if I was having a miserable time in my first year of school (and even anytime after that). It's not the same when you're on the other half of the world and your main communication is Skype and Facebook chat, which only occur if the internet doesn't decide to crap out on you. But I think what got me through everything is the fact that I know I am going home. I can always come home. With that in the back of my mind, it allowed me to really open up to this city I have been dreaming of for who knows how long. Which leads to my second example, experience.

I'm from a small town and in high school I wanted to get out. My sister had done it and she seemed happy, I don't know what I couldn't do the same. And hell, I wanted Guilford as my top choice, which ended up becoming a reality and it was the best choice I made in a school. Don't get me wrong, I love New York and it most likely would have been cheaper to go to a state school than to Guilford but I felt that if I stayed in New York, I would never get out and deep down, I wanted to let my adventurous side show and prove to myself that I was capable of leaving the nest. I'm sure my sister and my parents had doubts about how I would get acclimated (I even had my doubts) but I was doing this for a new experience. Again this doesn't compare to any of my experiences over here. I went to two countries where the language barrier was a pain to navigate and I had to deal with issues from people who have different ways of expressing themselves which added to the frustration. However these are the results that came from that: I have started speaking up when I think I am onto something, I don't care what anyone says about me behind my back because in the end all that matters is how I view myself and how I want people who I care about to see me, and I am one strong person when it comes to handling situations. I still need to work on communicating my feelings because I'm such an introvert but that will come with time.

I will add this last little thing: I am not a mind reader and I cannot tell when someone is mad at me so if you have an issue with me, bring it up, we'll talk calmly about it and try to find a solution. Otherwise I am not to blame if you hide your feelings from me. Personally I don't like confrontation myself but I am good at ignoring things and making situations tolerable. If you cannot do the same, then things need to be dealt with.

The fact that I just said all of this brings me to my third example: self-confidence. Like all women I do not have the best self-esteem issues; I never have. Since middle school I always felt body conscious, unworthy, inferior, and pretty much didn't like who I was. In high school it changed but I was still had some issues with myself. After a while I think I started, slowly but surely, seeing myself in a different way. I was running a lot and looking and feeling strong, I was doing a great job at being an editor for the newspaper and found out other agreed as well, and despite all the emotional issues I went through by losing one of my best friends I came out stronger than ever. I feel better about myself than I ever have and it's fantastic to actually admit it. Tieing this back into independence, I feel like I can now rely on myself for most things. I do still need help along the way (and I'm trying hard to still admit it to myself) but I feel confident that once I'm done with college, there isn't anything that I can't handle.

Even though I feel myself growing into a much more mature person, I wouldn't have gotten through most of my hurdles without the help of my family and friends. They were my crutch and I've still had their support the entire time I've been in England. I feel bad when I hear people say that their families are not the greatest and can be dysfunctional most of the time because that has never been the case with my family. Granted my sister and I almost killed each other while we were growing up but then again that is just how siblings are. We quarrel and shout but at the end of the day we would die for each other. Kelly is the person I go to for things most of the time (sorry Mom) now that I'm no longer the annoying little sister and I love seeing how she backs me up and gives me advice that I tend to follow because it almost always works. My parents are the same way and I am pretty open with them on certain topics, which I don't think a lot of people can say but I'm proud to be able to tell them about stuff that is happening in my life because at the end of the day, as long as my sister and I are happy, they have done their job.

Finally, I have the best friends in the entire world. It's been hard to communicate with most of my friends back at home because of the time difference as well as the fact they are busy with their semesters. However I can always count on Molly, my cousin Matt, and Amanda to get me through a lot of stuff. Molly will always be my best friend and confidant because we can go months without speaking and then finally pick up where we left off as if we had just seen each other the other day. That is a friendship that is meant to last and I wouldn't have it any other way. Matt is my second favorite guy (Dad will always be number one) but we've been tight ever since we were babies and can talk about anything (even though he takes forever to answer back on Facebook chat). Finally Amanda is just someone who can make me laugh anytime anywhere, even if it's just a comment on my picture.

I'm also not forgetting the rest of my friends who I love dearly and cannot wait to get back to in April but this is me showing you a glimpse into how I have found the strength to do what I have done. I may have done most of the work but everyone else has given me the shove to actually act on it. There have been those who have impacted my life more than others but everyone I've met and gotten to know has made an impact on me, whether good or bad. The ones who have stayed in my life have shown me that there are people who are worth the effort and think the same about you. So thank you to all of you because you have helped me reach this level I never thought I would get to.

I'm not going to repost this in Facebook because I think a lot of people read this, even those who are here and I feel like I may indirectly hurt someone if they read it so I would rather avoid that altogether. So this is kind of like an early Easter egg for anyone who decides to look at my blog again. Also I'll be writing about my weekend in my next post which deals with how I celebrated St. Patrick's Day UK style and updates about my weekend because it was a lot of fun.

That is enough of my ranting for now but I will probably post another reflection like this at the end of my blog when it is time for me to head home so be prepared for that. Otherwise I will see you next time :)

Cheers!

Monday, March 11, 2013

She Works Hard (But Not for the Money)

I'm just becoming a blogging monster because I can't believe I'm about to update y'all again. This time it's just about my first week at my internship. I told a few people about this already so for those who are seeing this again, sorry, but for anyone who is curious about how my week went, read onward.

So before I came to London, I had to apply for a student visa that allows me to work in the UK (and the process takes forever and stresses you out more than it should). As you can see, I acquired it a week before I left the States and can now happily work at my internship. The sucky part is I can't get paid for it (and it's a 9 to 5:30 job!). Oh well, that's adulthood for you.

As I mentioned previously, my internship is at a post production company called Lucky Cat that is based in the Soho region of London (and an awesome place to work I must add). Their clients work mostly with Channel 4 but sometimes there will be clients from other television networks and their job is to cut together trailers or promos for televisions and movies that will be premiering on the network. This week we had a guy working on a promo for Get Him to the Greek (not the greatest movie but it had some funny parts) and someone else working on one for the show Revenge. There were other small jobs going on at the same time, mostly in the audio suite which was right above my head and because the place is so small, you can hear everything. Sometimes it's cool but after a while you just want to unplug the equipment.

There are around six rooms in total that are used for editing. Three on the main floor and three upstairs but two are main offices for two regulars, Craig who does sound and Jonathan who is an editor. The biggest room is the audio suite (which is amazing inside. Honestly the sound board is huge) and Craig takes great pride in it. Both of them are really nice. Craig always asks how I'm doing and will even give me work out tips because he is a part time personal trainer. Jon doesn't talk to me much but when he opens his mouth I can't stop laughing.

The same goes for everyone else that I work with. They are all extremely nice and I have become really close with Luke, who is also a runner and shares responsibilities with me. He helps me out a lot and we joke around all the time; he's becoming like a big brother in a way. Brad is the other guy I work with and is in the FIE program with me. He attends Temple University in Philly. Unfortunately I only got to work with him for one day because he was sick on Friday and only comes in twice a week as opposed to my three times a week. Still it will be cool to get to know him better as well.

I'm seriously excited to go back on Wednesday because I like going to work, despite having to wake up early. I get a lot of down time when people are working and it allows me to chat with everyone else and there is also a bookcase that has a bunch of books (I'm currently half way through Treasure Island) which I am thankful for because that passes time and even sparks conversation with people who come in and out. Although the fact that I'm not from England interests people too.

For example, one woman came in to do voice over work on Friday and requested a latte. So I delivered it to her and as I handed it to her, she asks where I am from. I hesitate for a second trying to formulate what exactly to tell her but before I can say anything, the next thing out of her mouth is, "Are you Canadian?"

That was definitely a first for me. I never thought I had any kind of accent, not even a New York one. So the fact that this woman thought I sounded Canadian was a complete blind side. I wasn't offended or anything but the inside joke that my friends have here with me is a woman at the airport when we were heading to Barcelona told us to tell British people that we were from Canada because they are nicer to Canadians than Americans. I related this information to the woman, and the two other guys in the room and had them laughing. One of the guys even confirmed that this observation was partly true. The woman explained it was probably because Canada is still part of the UK in a way. Makes sense.

And that isn't even the end of it. When I told my friends this later on, they agreed that I sounded Canadian. Does everyone agree with that? If so, thanks for telling me (sarcasm).

Anyway that is what my first week was like back and with my internship. I honestly have nothing planned for my next entry or what it will be about. I'll probably just shoot the breeze or something or maybe talk about the fact that I have only six weeks until I am back in the States. Who knows. However spring break pictures are up on Facebook so go check them out and give me over a hundred notifications if you please.

Cheers!

Monday, March 4, 2013

It's Good to be Back

So yes spring break is done and I can honestly say I am very happy to be back in South Kensington. As wonderful as Barcelona and Paris were, London has started to feel like home and when I got back, I wanted to jump for joy. It's not so much that I didn't have fun over break because the places I went to were both amazing but I definitely had my eyes opened and it feels as though I've aged at least ten years. Mom and Dad says it's because I'm experienced now. I couldn't agree more.

My last entry was a bit rushed because I had a tour that was about to take off and I really wanted to share how great Barcelona had been so far. I thought I would do the same with Paris but most of my days I was out and about in the city and when I got back to my hostel I was too tired to actually write anything. Seriously, I went to bed around 10:45 the first night and 11:30 subsequently for the rest of my time there. Still I enjoyed being in Paris. Never in my lifetime did I think I would get the chance to visit.

However the toughest part of the whole trip was the language barrier. Between the five of us traveling, there were two semesters of college French and one year of high school French. I remembered a decent amount from French class, mostly vocab but I can't speak sentences and to be honest, I am a perfectionist when it comes to languages. If I can't say it right, then I won't say it at all. I'm always nervous I'll say something wrong and the context will be misinterpreted or I will not know how else to get what I am saying across. Of course it ended up causing problems within my group, especially when two of the five don't know any French whatsoever, so I have to learn how to be a little bit more comfortable when it comes to a country where I know the language a bit more than others.

Although I will say, if I ever end up going back to Paris (and I kind of want to because it's probably a lot nicer in late spring/early summer and there are other things I didn't get the chance to try) I will either need another semester of French under my belt (or Rosetta Stone), a French boyfriend, and either my sister, my best friend, my cousin (or all three) to go with me.

Aside from what was going on with me and my group, I got to do some amazing things I never imagined would be possible. First of all, yeah I went up the Eiffel Tower. I didn't go to the very top because I don't like heights and would have most likely had a panic attack on the elevator ride up there. So I settled for the second floor and still got an enchanting view of the city. Granted the day was overcast and a bit misty, it was still fantastic to be able to be up there. My Mom had done the same when she was younger and when I skyped her, it felt really nice to actually talk about it with her because she has been there and done that (though she was not a fan of the city at all and I can't really blame her). Also, did anyone know that the Eiffel Tower sparkles at night on the hour? It's gorgeous! I still get chills whenever I think about it. Of course being the nerd that I am, whenever I thought of the Eiffel Tower, all I could think about was the scene from the movie Anastasia when they finally make it to Paris and that damn musical number. If you don't know what I'm talking up, look up "Paris Holds the Key to Your Heart" from Anastasia and you'll see what I mean.

Of course the Disney movie references didn't stop there because I visited Notre Dame cathedral. To make you even more jealous, I WENT INSIDE! Holy cow that place is gorgeous and I even lit a candle (2 euros well spent I say) and I even got to hear the bells ring. You can actually go up to the bell tower and take a tour up there but my money supply was running low and I still had Versailles to go to but maybe next time. And judge me all you want here but when we were heading back to the metro, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to watch the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I even compared and contrasted how the church looked in the movie to how it looked when I was right in front of it.

Before I get to Versailles, which is the last big thing I will say in this post, I did go to the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa as well as Venus de Milo (I have pictures of both!). However it was too overwhelming for me. At one point I sat down and just stared at a portrait for fifteen minutes just to process what the hell I was doing. You need two days to get through that museum to appreciate it all. I did most of it in two hours and I wanted to get the hell out and never go back. Seriously my brain imploded and it felt as though my energy was completely depleted from my body.

So my last day in Paris ended with a trip to Versailles and it was the best part. Versailles is just outside of Paris and is home to Versailles Palace which was first built by King Louis XIV and last inhabited by Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette when the French Revolution broke out. Now I can see why. That place is the epitome of French oppulence. Gold gates, doors ten times my size, fireplaces that use trees instead of logs, an entire wing that was an art gallery filled with sculptures and paintings, and a large garden that was a labyrinth with at least ten different fountains plus the long canal that was in the middle of it all. I bought the Passport ticket which allowed you all of Versailles for 18 euros (a pretty damn good price if you ask me) and it was so worth it! Also, despite the fact the day was chilly and gray, the place still looked magnificent (and the garden wasn't even in bloom!). The gardens were free and open to the public so I saw quite a few people running and felt very jealous. I would love to run around that place; it would be the best long run of my life!

I would love to go back when the garden is completely green and maybe when they have a special event going on, like a concert or fireworks show, which they do have but of course it was a bit too cold for events like that. That was my favorite experience of France and something I definitely wouldn't mind repeating if I were to ever go again.

Paris itself is a gorgeous city, though a little dirty (a lot of the metro stations smelled like urine but I'm sure that was mostly to do with the large number of homeless people who live there) but I think you can find that with any type of city. Go to New York and you have one of the dirtiest cities around. However that shouldn't take away from what it offers you. Not many get the chance to be in a famous city and some probably never will but the fact that you have that chance now, I wouldn't take it for granted. Hell, I got to even see the Moulin Rouge and the cafe from Amelie because I got lucky enough to stay in the Montmarte neighborhood. I'm sure not a lot of people can say they have done that and I am grateful to be one of the few who can.

However I am just so glad to be back in London and I'm glad I don't have anymore immediate travel plans because I need a break. My internship starts on Wednesday and I am super stoked for it. This means I only have seven weeks left of my semester before I'm back in the States. I am excited for home because I miss my parents and I've been mostly homesick for Guilford. I feel sad when I see news about my teammates breaking records and doing work and I can't be there to celebrate with them. I also miss my job at the Sports Info Office and it hurts that I won't be able to say goodbye to a few people who will be graduating that I've worked with for the past two and a half years.

Mostly though, I miss my sister, my best friend Molly and my cousin Matt. I think I finally hit the place where being back in the States is something I want so badly. But at the same time I don't want to leave London. I love it here. I've had such good times already and met wonderful people that I know when April comes I will not want to go home.

So for right now I am completely content to be here as it has become a third home to me (Guilford is my second home). I loved London the moment I stepped off the plane back in January, but it took me an entire week to really appreciate just how much it has become a part of my life.

Just for the record, I do have a lot of pictures from break but I think I'll post them on Facebook if you want to check them out. I can't just pick a few to post here and there are over 200 photos so you might as well hop on over to my page and look at all of them (and they will be up shortly though it might take a day or two depending upon how lazy I am feeling).

Cheers!